Meandering Thoughts

Finding my own path…

Why am I doing this again?

So I’ve been working with my meditation apps for a long time now, and I’ve collected very nice streaks in both of them. Seeing day after day filled in have brought my a sense of accomplishment, like I was ‘winning’ at meditation. Until the other day…

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It was a very busy day with lots going on. I did not plan it that way, it just sort of happened. Loads of people to talk to, and my head was elsewhere. I did practice mindfulness, but I forgot to use the app. (Well, one of them.)

Just after midnight I realised that my 100+ day streak was broken.

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At first I felt very sad about it. I’d worked at keeping that thing going. Though I was glad it wasn’t my 300+ day streak in Calm. I felt like berating myself. But stopped. Breathed. Thought it through.
Quickly I realised this was all very stupid. And while it was a lemon to some extent, if I turned it around there was a lesson too. My meditation had become very focused on that streak. Not the meditation. Was that good? I don’t think so. It shouldn’t be about perfection, it’s about starting over.
Begin again.

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I’ve now mostly come to see it as a serendipitous nudge by the Universe to remember why I spend between 15 minutes and an hour each day doing nothing. It’s not for the power, nor the glory. Not even the
badonkadonk! It’s to begin again, and take one breath at a time.